ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We got so high we made milksteak
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
