Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
