Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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