He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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