i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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