I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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