you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
