Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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