I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
