im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
