We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
