this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
