Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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