Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
