The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
