Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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