Where did you get a picture of my penis
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
