I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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