I can tuck mytits in my pants
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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