You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
