I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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