I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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