The maid of honor just puked.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
