I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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