Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
