Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
