haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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