Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
