You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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