Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
