The best revenge is premature balding
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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