I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
