She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
