How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize