it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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