Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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