I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize