When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
