we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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