then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize