____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
