I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
