Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She announced her abortion via fbk
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
