someone threw a dead crab at me
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize