is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
