We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
