i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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