good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
