Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
how drunk are you?
Several
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
