I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
