4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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