I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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