apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
we're so committed to being not committed
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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