some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
