i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
