So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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