That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
