I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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