sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
it's like heaven, but drunker
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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