What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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