Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
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