Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
