I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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