need another drink. this is the easiest way
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
