I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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