I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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