i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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