Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
