idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
