i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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