I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
