so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
