I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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