I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
