Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
