What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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