I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize