You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
