Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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