my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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