There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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