I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
