Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
