They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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